Hunk Season
by kbeto
Summary: Dougie needs some place to stay, Tom can't vocalise his feelings, Danny come in with cherries and Harry should be somewhere nearby. Some seasons are ideal for many things, you just have to find the one that suits your needs. Pudd mixed with some Flones. Pervy jokes all around with a touch of fluff. Rated T (obviously).


_Disclaimer: I don't own any song mentioned here nor any aspect of this story._

_A/N: A extremely long note lies ahead._

_This one goes for my adorable **Anonymous **(maybe you should pick a nickname? I personally call you 'Nonie' in my head because 'Anonymous' is too long), who suggested this plot who-knows-how-much-time-ago. I was feeling a bit down and decided to write some pervy!Dougie to cheer me up._

_**monkeywaiters** Thank you for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)_

_**Marvin Fletcher** OMG such a beautiful message! :') Nothing makes me happier than knowing something I wrote can cheer people up and make their day brighter, if only a bit! "Teach Me How to Love" is one of my personal favourites because it's the first SA I wrote, the first thing I wrote this year, and also the first idea I got from a conversation. That's part of why I'm always frustrated with this fandom, because a lot of good stuff comes from talking and sharing ideas._

_I have no idea how the world call an 'ushanka', but since it's a russian word I guess it's not much known for that name? Of course I'll accept the 'huggly'! Paraphrasing Mr. Krabs in that "We've been smeckledorfed" episode__, __"That's not even a word and I totally agree with ya!"__ ;) Haha!_

_I suggest you to go take a look at the comm on LiveJournal. You will find many good stories by great people dating back to 2008 or earlier. Sadly, most of them (I even go as far as saying everyone) aren't around any more. Two writers I can think of the top of my head are __**mcflystargirl**__ and __**juddpoynter**__. Most of the fluff that made me melt was written by them and I would give up my first born to find them and bring them back to this fandom! Of course there's also a bunch of crack fics, like "McMuffin in the Oven". My life was never the same after that fic. BWAhaha!_

_I actually have these types fixed in my mind when I write. For Danny I'll always go with medium length curly hair because I __**love**__ curly hair, there's really no special reason. ;) The same goes for the other characteristics. I don't know, I find those interesting, even if I have many different universes, I don't think I can let go of them! *giggles*_

_Yeah, I had that feeling, too! If I remember correctly in the original they had the witch rammed with a boat, but that was just too dark to put in a story for children, I don't know. *shrugs* Can't say I don't feel the same, Luke is just too adorable! Maybe because he's a mini Danny and is always saying random stuff! Asdfghjkl Thank you so much for reading! You're a darling! (And sorry for the long rambling!)_

_**Anonymous**__ Yeah, hopefully __someone__ will write it! ;) Oh, I actually have that prompt saved! I read a Sterek story with the same plot and it was just adorable! asdfghjkl I might have my shot at it someday, too! *giggles*_

_To be completely honest with you, I get impressed where Danny's mind goes when he comes up with those stories, too. Most of it doesn't make sense, and I can understand why Tom would get frustrated over the fact his kids prefer that crazy version instead of the original tale. Poor Tom! Haha! Now that you mentioned it, I hadn't thought of the fish with pincers... OMG... BWAhahaha! Thank you, dear! :D_

Hunk Season

"The solution to all your problems is finally here!" Dougie nearly shouted, dropping his bags to envelope Tom in a bone crushing hug.

"I can see it as exactly the opposite, but whatever," Tom chuckled, into their hug. The chuckle turned into laughter when Dougie slapped his bum uttering an offended _"Hey!"_.

For the rest of the week the two blonds would share the same roof, whilst Dougie's bug-ridden house was being taken care of by the pest control guys. It was also a good opportunity for the two friends spend a bit of time together, because, well, you don't get to have many sleepovers after you grow up, live at opposite sides in the city and have your own separate lives.

"Since mum taught manners, and you're _technically_ a guest, I'll be cooking a few treats for ourselves today."

"Me and my stomach are already flipping with joy!" Dougie patted his stomach twice, mouth watering at the thought of eating some of Tom's food. He had to admit that his brown-eyed friend had a special talent for making some delicious stuff with those hands, even when it looked completely disgusting.

"Good thing that I'm doing your favourite, then? I'll–" The doorbell rang. Tom excused himself and told Dougie to sit a bit, whilst he went to see who was at his doorsteps. From his spot on the couch Dougie could clearly hear the conversation between Tom and the stranger.

"Hiya, Tom! Everything good, mate?"

"Oh! Hi, Danny!" Tom's voice seemed to waver a bit. Was that embarrassment that Dougie could hear in it? "I'm fine, thanks for asking. What can I do you– I mean, what can I do _for_ you?"

The two talked about trees and branches and backyard and cherries, but Dougie didn't pay much attention to the subject of their conversation as he did to how Tom reacted nervously and rather clumsy around this Dan. Overtaken by curiosity, Dougie tiptoed his way to where he could secretly watch the two talk from behind a wall. Or so he thought.

"Hmm, I guess your boyfriend is waiting for you," the Danny guy nodded in Dougie's direction, prompting both Tom and Dougie to blush. Dougie because he was find out rather quickly, and Tom because he didn't want Danny to think he had anything with Dougie other than friendship.

"What? No! He's not–"

"No worries, mate. I don't have a problem with blokes who like blokes," Danny patted Tom's shoulder, cutting the boy mid-sentence and preventing him from any further explanations. "He seems nice, too. Anyway, I won't be taking more of your time," Danny waved to Dougie and grabbed Tom's hand in his large hands, giving it a shake with firm grip, before going back to his own house.

"What are you doing? Now he thinks I have a boyfriend!" Tom slid down to the floor with his back to the door, hissing at his mate in some sort of whispered shouting. How he did that, was completely beyond Dougie's comprehension.

"So I _am_ right, you fancy the guy next door!" Dougie grinned. "Not only he's a cutie with a good body, but have you seen those massive hands? If those myths are true, he probably has a massive di–"

"–fferent than you, some people don't go around having perverted fantasies about their neighbours." Tom got up, feeling his face burn from all the embarrassment. Sometimes he had to remind himself that Dougie's his best mate and they went through a lot of shit together, like true brothers, or he would just strangle the boy on the spot. "You know where your room is, make yourself comfortable."

"I can help you seduce him," Dougie yelled after Tom, earning himself a middle finger just before the other boy disappeared back into the kitchen.

~#~

"I hope they arrest you for indecency," Tom scoffed, looking at the outrageous outfit Dougie was wearing. "I don't even know why would someone own such a small piece like that."

"I'll buy you one the next time I'm shopping," Dougie winked at Tom, adjusting his leopard print thong whilst he spread tanning lotion on his buttocks. The infamous piece could barely cover his modesty and was nothing more than a string on the back. "This is part of my plan, Danny boy will see you not reacting to my gorgeous and high appealing body and will know that we're not a couple."

"Or he'll think I _hired_ a rent boy, or that I _date_ one. I don't know which one is worse."

"You'll be scuba diving in those trousers by the end of the day, or I'll change my name. You can thank me after you ride him like a–"

"And that's my cue to leave and avoid having my poor ears soiled with more non-sense," Tom waved over his head and went back in the house, leaving Dougie to lie on one of the chairs beside the pool.

He put his sunglasses on and comfortably put his arms up, ready to acquire some tan. It was just so hard to have a bit of sunny day in that city, that he couldn't ignore his skin crying for some sunlight. The fact he tanned fairly easily was also a good point; Tom would roast before he could tan and always said that he would want to have Dougie's genes in that aspect.

"_I need some music," _he reached for his iPod, putting some of his favourite gay anthems tunes to play. From "YMCA", to "Young Hearts Run Free", passing by "I Will Survive". It seemed like there was some movement in the cherry tree that had branches dangling over the fence to Tom's backyard, but Dougie didn't seem to notice it, or was just too into his music to care.

"Now, this is my all time favourite!" He turned over, to get a uniform tan, lifting his bum in the air and singing along with The Weather Girls. "It's raining men, hallelujah! It's raining men–"

Dougie scrambled all the way to hide behind his chair and watch in horror what had just fallen from the sky and crashed right into Tom's trampoline. From the wreckage that used to be a trampoline, a brunet with the most perfect abs he had ever seen and lightly hairy chest.

The mysterious guy had some kind of giant scissors in his hand, and seemed to be hugging something fragile against his chest, avoiding the broken branch on the ground. He also had a gash on his forehead –probably due to the fall– and his jeans hung dangerously low –so low that Dougie could see the end of his trail– with a shirt tucked inside trailing behind him like a tail.

After such a sudden contact with that marvellous creature, Dougie did what any normal person would: grabbed some woggles he found at his feet (_"why does Tom even have these?"_) and started mercilessly clubbing the stranger, screaming for Tom to call the police.

"Oi– what are you doing–" But Dougie didn't give him any chance of retaliate or speak, still screaming at top of his lungs.

"Dougie, what happened?" Tom came running, with a spatula in hand. At the same time, the familiar voice of Danny could be heard calling from the other side of the fence, his head popping up above it seconds later.

"Harry, what ya doing there?"

"You know this thief?" Dougie stopped the bashing for a moment to look at Danny. He hadn't realised, but Tom also joined him and was slapping the guy who fell from the sky with his spatula.

"I'm not a thief! I'm a gardener, mind you," the brunet spoke, yanking the woggles from Dougie's grasp and glaring at him. For the first time Dougie noticed that he had beautiful eyes. _"Fuck, he has a beautiful **everything**,"_ his mind added.

~#~

After all the misunderstanding got cleared up, the four guys had lunch together at Tom's. The gardener that fell from the sky, Harry, apologised for scaring Dougie and for breaking the trampoline, saying he would pay for all the damage. Danny said they should pay for it together, since Harry wouldn't be in the tree if wasn't for him, but Tom dismissed their chivalry, explaining that Dougie always had been a bit of a wuss and that his trampoline was already too old.

"I'm just happy I could save those birds," Harry beamed, content with himself that he managed to keep the little birds safe; he fell when he tried to get the nest off a branch he had to cut.

"And I knew I _couldn't_ attract hot guys with my singing," Dougie shrugged, holding eye contact with Harry till someone cleared their throat. Danny gulped some water from his glass, feigning that something gut stuck in his pharynx. "Tom's just my friend, I'm free to flirt with whoever I want. Unless you're telling me you two...?"

"No!" Danny's reaction was too quick and his eyes grew wide when he saw Tom frown at Dougie's statement. Dougie had his free pass to come onto Harry, and Tom was free to explore new _possibilities_ with his cute neighbour.

They finished their lunch, the guests all complimenting Tom's cooking before they left. Danny mustered courage to ask Tom out to dinner _"as a thank you for the lunch"_ and Dougie cleaned Harry's forehead and put a SpongeBob plaster on it. The gardener complained a bit about the choice, but it wasn't like Dougie could do anything about Tom's preferences and obsession with what one would consider 'kid stuff'.

"Thank you for this," Harry pointed to his forehead. "And also for not killing back there."

"You're welcome," Dougie smirked. He truly appreciated a guy with sense of humour, and Harry seemed to get more attractive –in every aspect– the more he stayed in his presence. "Can't think of any other way to thank me?" He pouted.

"Actually, yeah! Close your eyes and open your hand."

Dougie did as told. He awaited a few seconds, though nothing happened. What would be taking Harry so long? Maybe he was stripping down and would suggest them to take things to bed? Not really Dougie's thing, but he could open an exception and bed that _"flower god"_ before knowing anything other than his name and occupation.

"You can open your eyes, Dougs. They're already gone, you know." Dougie opened his eyes to confirm that Harry was no longer there. "Harry left something at the coffee table for you."

A small card with some numbers and address to singing lessons rested where Tom pointed to. "That wanker! I thought he had liked me a bit!"

"Mate, there's another one," Tom picked another card up, passing it to Dougie.

The second card had a completely different number. It read _"Harry Gardener, the help your flowers need"_ along with an email and a number. What picked Dougie's interest, though, was a small message scribbled in the back in untidy calligraphy.

_I'm free tonight. Call me if you're interested in chatting over a pint._

_Harry_

_PS: That's a nice bum, by the way. ;) _

Dougie smirked to himself, holding the card against his chest. Just to be sure, he would listen to "It's Raining Men" a few more times. Just to give himself a bit of luck.

~Fin~


End file.
